after dinner sneeze

t says: Below are some of our favorite quotes from chefs or friends or us regarding cooking or food or food-related topics.  Of course, one has nothing to do with food, but it’s hilarious.

We want to apologize in advance for any of David Chang’s quotes – he curses a LOT (you should read the rest of his book), but he’s just too funny to leave out (once again, you should read the rest of his book).  The list is small right now, but it’ll grow over time …

on how to shop effectively: “Italians walk into every store with the intention of taking home the very best stuff in the store. They think of this as their God-given right and responsibility …”  -Mario Batali (The Babbo Cookbook)

on Brussels sprouts: “They’re just baby cabbages, I told myself.   Being Korean, I thought, ‘Let’s make kimchi out of them.’  That didn’t work out so well.”  -David Chang (Momofuku)

on cooking steak: “As far as cooking tasks go, cooking the steak this way is not very difficult.  You could sum it up in a text message:  Season it.  Sear it.  Roast it.  Baste it.  Rest it.  Slice it.  Eat it.  But it’s not easy, because cooking a piece of meat that costs maybe $40 or $50 takes balls.  If you f*** up, you f***ed up a piece of meat that cost a lot of money.  That somebody took care to raise and slaughter and dry-age and butcher.  That makes you an a*****e, especially at Momofuku.”  -David Chang (Momofuku)

on becoming a better cook: “Many home cooks try a new recipe once and then move on to the next, but the fact is, you really only begin to learn the second time you prepare a dish.” -Thomas Keller (Ad Hoc at Home)

on the superfluous inclusion of truffles in dishes: “Truffles don’t make things taste better, they just make them expensive.”  -Rick Bayless (on Top Chef Masters)

on how not to hit on Giada at her book-signing: “You should buy a Rachael Ray cookbook and when you take it up, say, ‘Oops … I thought you were someone else …'”  -cm

on t’s aggressive use of two plates to serve himself banana pudding when serving utensils could not be found at a BBQ-themed wedding: “Yo, this dude’s gangsta!”  -other wedding guest

on why the story in Wicked is ultimately flawed: “Why does he want to go with her?  She’s green.  And ugly.  He should like the pretty one in pink.”  -ha