after dinner sneeze

t says: It’s not so wrong to like nice things, is it?  I like nice things.  I like nice food.  I like nice cars.  I like nice clothes (well, except for my everyday clothes – in which case, I apparently like the clothes that I’ve had since college … back when “Structure” was still an actual store and not some clothing line at Sears … not that there’s anything wrong with clothing from Sears …).  In the pursuit of “nice things”, I find that I often get really “in” to looking for an super-ultra-extreme version of a relatively common item.  For instance, when I went through a computer phase, back when I used to play a lot of pc games, I knew about the latest CPUs and GPUs and overclocking and liquid cooling (now I own a Mac … the complete opposite of everything I used to stand for).  I also went through a pimp-out-your-car phase, so I knew about hp/torque and turbochargers and exhausts and 46G3 and ECUs.  Of course, I never had the courage (or disposable income) to ever do anything to my 1.8T Volkswagen Jetta (and I never learned to drive stick) … but I could have added another 50-70 hp, easy!  It would have been an awesome mustang- and ricer-killer (we have a lot of those where my parents live in south Jersey).

Was there anything I actually did follow through with?  Kinda.  One of my more recent “phases” had to do with outerwear.  I think it all started during the second >20-inch snowstorms we had this past winter – I was very concerned with staying warm and staying dry and so I started looking at coats to accomplish this.  Now, there are a lot of coats out there.  And as pretty as some of them are, the vast majority are horrible at keeping you warm and dry.  Like the classic wool coat.  Why on Earth are these a good idea?  Yes, they’re chic, but as soon as they suck up all the snow, it’s as heavy as chainmail and no more protective against the cold.  I quickly came to a conclusion.  You want to know who cares about staying warm and dry?  Skiers, snowboarders, and mountain climbers.  (As a sidenote, a long time ago, I had a skiing phase … then I dislocated my kneecap twice – not while skiing – and that was the end of any sport requiring quick knee movements.)  It led me to this website (and the point of this post):

backcountry.com

Here is a website that has a lot of outerwear (among other things).  While yes, a lot of it is expensive, a lot of it does go on sale.  And, if you sign up for the emails, 20%-off e-coupons come around a few times a year (if not caught up in your spam filter).  But, this is all pretty boring … until you read the return policy.  That’s right.  Unlimited return policy.  It doesn’t matter how long you’ve had the item.  It doesn’t matter how much you’ve used/abused it.  It doesn’t matter if you still have the receipt (all you need is the online record of the purchase in your backcountry.com profile).  You can return it for the full purchase price, right back to your credit card (assuming your credit card hasn’t changed).  Does it work?  YES IT DOES.  I’ve returned a jacket I’ve had for close to 5 years!  Full credit!  Of course, I then used this credit to buy a new jacket [for cheaper] so it’s kind of like they paid me for a new jacket!  And in five years (or sooner … or later … or whenever!), when I see a better one, I’ll make another exchange.  I’m not sure how they’ll make money off of me, but what do I care – it’s an eternally new jacket (just so long as they’re in business)!  Yes, most ski-worthy jackets are … ugly … but every now and then you find some that don’t look ridiculous.  g will still refuse to wear anything in which fashion is sacrificed for function, so I doubt she’ll ever wear as winter-ready a jacket as I – but even she agreed that my latest purchase wouldn’t make her ashamed to be seen with me around town (she really loves me).  The only caveat is things that are purchased from their outlet (i.e. departmentofgoods.com) are NOT eligible for this return policy, so buyer beware!

So – will I ever go skiing, snowboarding, or mountain climbing?  Hell no.  I have two knees and I want to keep them both.  But, thanks to backcountry, I will always be warm and dry, and isn’t that all that matters?  I totally don’t care if skiers, snowboarders, and climbers all look at me and mutter under their breath: “poseur”.