after dinner sneeze

t says:  Nutella is for me what Sriracha is for kp: it could go on pretty much anything, and I’d be happy.  You can imagine my surprise then during my last grocery escapade when I cam across a Nutella imitation … by Jif!

“choosey moms choose Jif …”

Feeling the need to do some investigative journalism (and the need for an excuse to shove more chocolate-flavored goodness in my mouth), I decided to do the above three-way comparison.  No – I have no idea why I thought to include peanut butter, but it seemed like a good idea at the time (in truth, I probably included it because it was right next to the other two in our pantry).

nutritional information

I decided to first compare the labels.  I was tempted to call the original Nutella “healthier” than Jif’s version … but then I realized that because both are kinda-sorta-really-awful for you (I mean, seriously, who’s eating either of these thinking that they’re “healthy”?), the minute differences are silly to point out.  They both have a lot of fat.  They have a lot of sugar.  Period.  What is interesting, however, is the picture of Nutella’s “example of a tasty yet balanced breakfast”.  Yea – I’m pretty sure that the inclusion of Nutella contributes absolutely nothing to the overall “balance”/completeness of that breakfast … as demonstrated by Nutella recently losing a lawsuit over the claims of promoting healthy eating.  Sorry Nutella – you’re not fooling anyone.

straight-up!

On to the taste-test!  I elected to start by eating a bit of each of them straight-up.  I thought for sure that Jif would have a different texture than Nutella – but I was wrong – it’s very similar.  Kudos to Jif for being able to emulate that oddly-soft-yet-cohesive-and-sticky quality of Nutella; I thought for sure that they’d screw it up and make it texturally similar to peanut butter.  As for taste, I can say that Nutella and Jif are indeed different.  Nutella is smooth-as-a-baby’s-bottom: it’s creamy/milky the whole way through, with a gradual onset and recession of a smooth hazelnut flavor.  It’s like the tide rolling in and leaving.  Jif, on the other hand is punchier.  On top of the milk chocolate and hazelnut is some kind of tangy/zippy flavor throughout that I feel is most similar to a pistachio.  Consequently, the Jif is more dynamic – it draws attention to the fact that there’s some kind of nutty flavor going on – it’s more like throwing in a few strikes of lightning to an otherwise serene rolling of the tide.  Could I tell them apart had I not tasted them next to eachother?  Unsure.  But there’s a definite difference when you do …

and again … with accompaniments!

I then went back and tasted them again with honey wheat pretzels and then again with prunes.  What was odd is that I liked the Nutella with the pretzel (that creaminess is nicely balanced with the pretzel’s salt and mild wheatiness – whereas the Jif’s extra nuttiness masked everything), but preferred the Jif with the prune (the extra nuttiness was useful against the palate-dominating plum flavor).

So I guess this means that for crazy people, there might be individual roles for both spreads.  And while I’m pretty crazy, I’m not so crazy that I’d stock them both.  So who’s going to “win” the next time I go to the grocery store?  Well, after they run out (I mean, obviously I’m going to have to work my way through them both), I anticipate that I’ll return to the Nutella – that creaminess is just too addictive.  Jif did a great job (a spoonful of Jif hazlenut spread works just as well as Nutella in picking up your mood after a tough day) – but there’s something about the original that just can’t be beat …