after dinner sneeze

t says: When it comes to Girl Scout cookies, everyone loves Thin Mints. Thin-Mint-this and Thin-Mint-that. Well you know what? I think Thin Mints are mediocre. Shazam. I went there.

Are you still reading? I hope you are – there’s a chance that with the above statement, I have angered about 75% of readers to the point of immediately closing down their browser windows never to return to adsz again … thanks for your continued patronage through these dark times …

Back to the story at hand … I will admit that there is one cookie that I attempt to stockpile every Girl Scout cookie season but fail miserably as they are so good that if they are in the house, I will consume them five-at-a-time: Samoas.

(As an aside, I want to note that these are sometimes called Caramel deLites as well, and the different name is determined by whichever bakery is licensed to manufacture the cookies (or so wiki claims). Personally, I prefer to call them Samoas because the name for some reason makes me think of tiny little animated characters … that I get to eat. Where this thought comes from, or why it would make me happy to eat a tiny little animated character … I have no idea.)

Ok, so back to Samoas … They are incredibly delicious, featuring a cookie covered with caramel, coconut, and chocolate. There really is not a thing I’d change about them … and I’m not even that huge a fan of coconut! And when Edy’s releases the Girl Scout Cookie ice creams – the Samoas themed one is also oh-so-delicious! But the one thing that cheeses me off about Samoas is this: the limited availability.  Once a year!  Come on Girl Scouts – would it kill you to peddle your cookies more often?  Alternatively, why hasn’t anyone else ever made a successful Samoa clone?  I mean, yes, in general, clones of cookies suck (e.g. look at every knock-off of an Oreo, ever – yuck!).  Consequently, I have no other conclusion to reach than thinking that they must be made utilizing some sort of super-secret ingredient that only the Girl Scouts had access to (e.g. Girl Scouts). Until now …

So, I’m not sure why/how the Keebler Elves are allowed to straight-up rip off the Samoa, but they most certainly did. There isn’t even the tiniest bit of trying to hide the similarity … orange coconut, fudge stripes, ring-shaped … There really is no reason for me to put up a pic of a Samoa because it’d look the same …

Upon close inspection, I will say that there are some subtle differences between this Keebler clone and the original.  The cookie is slightly thicker than a traditional Samoa, but it is also smaller in diameter. The result is a slightly higher cookie:caramel ratio. Also, there seems to be a slightly less coconut flakes (i.e. a lower density of larger flakes) on the Keebler version, and the intensity of the orange color is toned down.  How does it taste?  Keeping in mind that I only have memory to work off of (although I have probably consumed around 50 boxes of these in the past 6 years), the Keebler one tastes pretty damn similar. Texturally, these are a a little less “chewy” than the original (i.e. more crunchy/crumbly cookie-esque) and the quantity of chocolate is toned down, but if I close my eyes, it might as well be January, already (i.e. Girl Scout cookie season).  Unlike all of those nasty Oreo clones, this one is a winner!  It might not be perfect, but it’ll keep me satisfied for the other 10 months of the year when I don’t have Samoas …

So if Keebler could have done this – why now, after all these years?  Maybe those elves have also been experiencing tough times recently and decided to stop playing Mr. Nice Elf … Girl Scouts be damned!  The result: 15 cookies for under $3!!  And I even think there are some online coupons for these floating around, making it less than $2!!  For this price, it took a lot of willpower to not just buy two [or twenty] more bags than the one that I did buy – but I exhibited enormous self-restraint, much to g’s surprise.

But wait!  What about the title of the post!  What is the truth about Samoas? The truth is that they are sadly not magical, mystical cookies that only the Girl Scouts can sell – the Keebler Elves have managed to put out a very respectable copy of my favorite Girl Scout Cookie. This means only one thing – they obviously must be sharing a common secret ingredient! Are the Keebler Elves using 100% real Girl Scouts? Or perhaps the Girl Scouts were actually using tree-dwelling elves this entire time? Or maybe the Keebler Elves, when the cross-dress, are the original Girl Scouts! Why else would Ernie adhere to always donning that less-than-flattering green jackets (i.e. Girls Scout Vest?) at all times?